I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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