i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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