I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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