So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
