Pants 0. Shit 1.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We got so high we made milksteak
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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