so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
