White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
