woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
