I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
