All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
