We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
