the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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