He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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