just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
