What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
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While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
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Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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