His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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