Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
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So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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