in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You've changed since you got that strap on
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