I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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