The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
