btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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