My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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