4 words: hood of his car
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize