I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
