the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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