I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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