TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
