honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
