She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
