There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
