I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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