i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
