Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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