I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
