Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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