like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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