Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
