No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
