We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
