butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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