i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I got inside last night via doggy door
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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