Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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