Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
