whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
