Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
