Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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