You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
