we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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