We won't sleep together?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i think my cat just said my name.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
