I smell stomach acid.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
