He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
