I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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