we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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