god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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