You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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