finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
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Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
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CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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