oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
