My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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