carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
