it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
