You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
