i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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