I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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