Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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